A Very Hobbit Hogwarts: Quarrelsome Quidditch
by CeffylGwyn
Summary: It is the first Quidditch match of the season and all the Dwarven Professors gather at the grandstands to cheer on their favourite teams. Things get a bit competitive when quarrels break out about...well...just about everything under the sun really. Just a bit of light-hearted fun. Crack!Fic. AU. *COMPLETE*


**A/N: So I was on a train again. I needed an outlet just to start writing again. I've been procrastinating fairly badly with writing recently. Probably not going to be as good as the first one, but oh well. Can't win 'em all ;)**

**_A Companion Piece to A Very Hobbit Hogwarts (I suggest you read it first). Another Crack!Fic. Enjoy the OOCness although I have tried to keep prominent character traits constant again. As it was in the firs, for the sake of this fic - Fíli and Kíli are twins (fraternal, and Kíli the younger of the two obviously) in order to be in the same year, and Ori is only a couple of months younger. Also, I have made Ori's last name 'Marzabul' as in the 'Book of Marzabul' that he wrote, because I couldn't actually find a last name._**

**As usual, have fun working out who's talking and when *cackles madly* oh I do love making you all work ;)**

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Ori had the greatest misfortune to be the clumsiest member of Gryffindor house. As such the manner in which he played Quidditch was so bad he was in fact given leave by the Headmaster himself to skip Quidditch lessons. Kílí and Fílí of course never stopped ribbing him for it, and that is why he sat by himself, glumly sucking loudly on some pumpkin juice while the second Quidditch game of the year roared on before him. Hufflepuff against Slytherin.

Fortunately, he just so happened to be seated directly next to the teachers grandstand, and that in itself was turning out to be more exciting that the Quidditch.

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"Do you think they'll give us a snack-break soon? I'm starving..."

"Can you not think about your stomach for half a second Bombur? We're barely ten minutes in! This is Quidditch for Mahal's sake!"

"S'all right for you to stay Starfish-head, you stole half a dozen cakes from the kitchen before we came down here."

"_Don_'_t_ call me Starfish-head you tub of lard! Who told you that?!"

"AJSHAJHSAhahahahdjshds."

"... I STILL MAINTAIN IT WAS NOT STEALING - the house elves gave it to me of their free will!"

"Would you like a cup of tea Mr Bombur?"

"OH would yeh look ah' tha'!"

"Free will!"

"ZZZZZzzzzz...Wha- What? What did I miss?!"

"Bofur were yeh really just sleepin' during a Quidditch match?"

"Eh- mebbe. No matter! Canna have missed much- we all kno' the Puffs are gonna lose! Ha Haha Ha-"

"I dunna know Bofur, I reckon Fílí jus' mi' save the poor sods this year. I've never seen a better chaser."

"Ha he may be th' son of the Minister, an the nephew o' th' Headmaster but tha' dunna mean tha-"

"AND HUFFLEPUFF SCORES: 10 POINTS TO HUFFLEPUFF!"

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"You were sayin'?"

"I was sayin'...We ALL kno' the Puffs are gonna smash th' Slither-snakes inteh the ground!"

"You take that back freaky-flappy-hat! Us Snakes have something the Pygmy-Puffs could never dream of!"

"Yeh an' wha' would tha' be eh?"

"That Leggy kid-"

"Which ones that?'

"Who's he?"

"AhakdjsbasfhajhsdHJHAJ."

"Tha' Blondie one over there - yeh kno' He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-For-Fear-Of-Upseting-His-Headmasterliness's kid."

"Which one would tha' be? There's a few teh choose from Ha Ha-"

"Quidditch is such a undelicate sort of sport - another spot of tea Proffessor Bombur? A scone?"

"Yeh mean Goldilocks? Ach man yer outta yer mind! Don' make me laugh!"

"Wha' do you think Proffessor Baggins? Will th' Slimy-snakes an' Rapunzel win or shall the mighty Hufflepuff-sters - yeh own house mind you; badger them till theh' cave?"

"Oh...I...um...well...you see...I can't...well...ahem."

"Leave him alone professors - if you had all been paying more attention, you would have noticed that Hufflepuff has caught the snitch"

"SUCK ON THAT YOU PUMPKIN-BUTTS!"

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"Whose idea was it to let Kílí do the commentary?"

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"Balin did it."

"I DID NOT! You LIE Laddie!"

"I DO NOWT! Perhaps in yer old age, yer losin' yer hearin' brother dear!"

"What did he say? Have a fear?"

"No Oín - 'brother dear'."

"You owe me 20 galleons Bofur."

"Keep yer hands outta my pockets Nori or I'll hex-em off!"

"Now it's finally done can we go back to the feast?"

"I DEMAND YOU PAY ME THE MONEY YOU OWE!"

"I OWE YEH NOTHIN'! I AM A FREE MAN!"

"ARRRRGGGHHHHH!"

"TAKE THA'! I TOLD YEH I'D HEX YEH!"

"Nori get yer hands off my brother!"

"Thorin laddie DO somethin'!"

"But it was just getting to the best part Balin-"

"ENOUUUUUUGGHHHHH."

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"CAN YOU ALL STOP ARGUING FOR HALF A SECOND YOU'RE SETTING A BAD EXAMPLE FOR THE CHILDREN!"

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"Yeh a funny one Bilbo. Ha haha ha-"

"Stop laughing Bofur."

"Ha- ...ok."

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_**A/N 2: **_

_**Another thing just as a reminder (seriously I was so bored). **_

_**Cast as follows:**_

**Fílí: Hufflepuff (Chaser); ****Kílí: Gryffindor (Announcer); ****Orí: Gryffindor; ****Nori: Transfigurations (Head of Slytherin); ****Bofur: Charms; ****Bifur: Defense against the Dark Arts (Head of Ravenclaw); ****Dori: History of Magic; ****Oín: Herbology; ****Dwalin's: Potions; ****Glóin: Care of Magical Creatures; ****Bombur: Astronomy; ****Balin: Ancient Runes (Head of Gryffindor); ****Bilbo: Muggle Studies (Head of Hufflepuff); ****Thorin: Headmaster**


End file.
